Today would have been our first daughters sixth birthday. Every year, my emotions start to build a few days before the anniversary of her death. The thought of going to her graveside terrifies my emotions every year. Going there stirs everything up in my heart and mind, reminding me of what a traumatizing day August 8th, 2009 was for my husband and I. Once we are there, I lay flowers around her name plate, the number of flowers commemorating the age she would be each year. After spending some time there I walk around and read all the other name plates of the other babies laid to rest in the Garden of Angels. I am reminded of the loss we go through, so many of us, in many different ways. I read what other parents wrote as inscriptions on their child’s name plate as a way to honour their brief, yet impacting lives. It is not easy to grieve. As humans we have to find ways to grieve, and every time I go to the Garden of Angels, I ponder over the gentle words that parents write. As I remember, it was a very difficult decision to place words on a bronze name plate that will be etched there for decades to come. To find the statement you desire to encompass everything you felt about that precious life. Once those words came forward in our hearts, it was one step forward in our grieving process.

Our daughters name plate reads:

Lord we commit our daughter to you. Give her a kiss each day for us. Continue to use her life to draw our hearts closer to yours.

God’s grace leads us through the deepest of pain and the greatest of loss. His grace allowed us to surrender to Him what was His in the first place. Our daughter was a gift given to us for a brief moment, she is God’s angel for eternity. Her lovely presence in our life was only for a short moment, yet she has impacted us forever. God used her little life to teach us that we can get through anything with Him, even the most horrendous heartache you could ever imagine. Our faith is forever rooted in knowing that no matter what happens, God has got us in His hands. For every moment we felt like we could not go on or deal with the pain, He gave us peace that was beyond all our understanding. For every day we felt nothing but weakness to walk forward, He gave us strength to stand up and move. For all of the people that asked us how it is possible we still believe in God when something like this happened to us- we still believe because He is the one who has carried us through. He is the bond that has helped us work through our grief together as a couple.

There are always days when a wave of grief floods over our hearts, yet they are followed by waves of God’s grace carrying us forward in His love.

We love and miss you baby M, Happy 6th Birthday!

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