Not ashamed!

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I am not ashamed of all I have walked through in my life. Every struggle I have had to overcome, all of the dark days my husband and I forged a path through after the loss of our daughter, and accepting my weaknesses – these are all pieces of my puzzle that I am not ashamed of. The reason I am not ashamed is because these are the details of my life experiences, failures, and victories that have made me who I am. If I walk day to day ashamed of the very destiny that was laid before me to endure and overcome, than I am denying my purpose to help someone else defy the moments of defeat they stumble across. Defeat will only crush you if you are unable to acknowledge it, then blow it out of the water. When you can say, yes I have struggled, yes this awful thing happened to me, and yes it is destructive, but I’m choosing to do what I need to so that I may overcome it – that takes courage.

I look back, years ago to when my mom left my dad – I didn’t want to tell anyone. My world had been shattered, the one factor of stability in my life – my family, had broken into pieces. It was all gone, and as details of lies and betrayal unraveled – I felt nothing but shame. It took time for me to face the reality of that situation in my life, partially because I was young and it was the first substantial earth shaking event in my life. As time went on, I learned it was ok to talk about all of my pain and disappointment – that there was nothing to be ashamed of because I wasn’t the only person on the planet experiencing those emotions. Not only that, but working through those emotions would eventually help me help others work through similar feelings and experiences.

Our struggles in life can become powerful propellers of change and encouragement for ourselves and others when we admit them, work through them, and shake off the shame so often associated to them. It is not an easy course, it takes courage, perseverance and humility to admit to the not-so-pretty parts of our lives. When we can step out of shame, freedom can be embraced. I am not ashamed of all I have endured in my journey – it has carried me to where I am today. I hope that you can say the same, if not, know that you do not have to be ashamed of your journey. There is help out there for anyone looking, no matter what type of struggle you find yourself in. The biggest step to take is opening the door to your heart and allowing someone to help. You can have freedom and live life not ashamed!

∼live your journey true∼

when mother’s day is tough…

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In light of Mother’s Day tomorrow, I cannot help but remember the many years that it was not a celebration for me. For many people around the world, Mother’s day is a tough one. Some of us experience angst towards the day as we struggle in our relationships with our own mother’s. For others, you may be longing to have a child and are struggling with a yearning that is so deep – all you feel is pain and sadness. I have experienced both of those emotions towards Mother’s day. To take it further, I also understand the pain that day can afford after the loss of a child. Simply stated, it is tough! The pain cuts deep, the anger can rage, and the depths of those emotions can be unfathomable for others to really grasp an understanding for what you are going through.

If your current journey has you in a place of bitterness, darkness, longing or loneliness on Mother’s Day – I want you to know that you are not alone. There is not much to say to someone finding this day tough – no words ease the emotions you feel. When many around you are celebrating the day, it is okay to be honest with how you feel about it.

The walk to feeling okay with a day like Mother’s day can be long – yet it can turn around in time. After my mom left my dad, I could not bring myself to speak to her on Mother’s Day. I completely ignored her – my anger was raging. As time, years really, went by and we were able to create peace, by the grace of God – we are now in a place where we can celebrate Mother’s day. The magnitude of depression on Mother’s day grew exponentially as my husband and I walked the path of infertility and loss after our first child was stillborn full term. Those are years I do not wish on anyone to experience. Yet God has carried us through to the other side. We have our two gorgeous gifts from God now that have given me reason to celebrate Mother’s day.

It is not that my story is saying all the pain will disappear one day. What I have walked, is different than what you have walked or are currently experiencing. I still feel sadness in my heart on Mother’s day that I don’t have my other daughter with me in the physical. The point is that God is with me on Mother’s day. He has been with me every Mother’s day of my life. He knows the struggles I have encountered every year with different magnitudes of pain, despair, and finally relief when I had my daughters to hold in my arms.

Mother’s day may be hard for some of us, every year for the rest of our lives. It is more than okay to acknowledge the emotions that day brings for you. It is even more okay to accept God’s grace to get you through what can be a tumultuous day.

To all those that are loathing Mother’s day, I’m thinking of you, I’m praying for you, and I understand how difficult of a day it can be. You are not alone. May the grace of God surround your heart as you walk through the path you are on.

∼live your journey true∼

One of those big life questions…

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Something is always on my mind. My brain never stops thinking. There are times I find myself asking the oddest questions- like how did someone come up with the word ‘purple,’ for example. I know that sounds like I am crazy, and my husband chuckles at me when I bring up these weird questions that float around my brain. With that said, I have days when really serious questions cannot escape me. They twirl around my mind throughout the day, and I get stuck on them until an answer, or somewhat of a conclusion satisfies my curiosity. Today I am parked on a big one, a really big life question. Are you ready for it? Here it is…

What would the world look like if everyone valued life?

Oh me, oh my you say! Perhaps you feel that there is no answer to that because it is just not possible. Well, lets explore this a little, you see this is where my think tank likes to take me on a daily basis.

If everyone valued life, it would have to have a starting point. That starting point would get a solid footing if it began with ourselves. If we could know our value, feel meaningful, feel loved, feel purpose, perhaps we would all value and respect ourselves well enough to make wiser choices. From there, what would that look like to those around us? If we all valued our lives, how would that extend to the people around us? How would we then treat our parents and siblings, our friends and acquaintances, our partners and children? This extends to a vast array of possibilities to overcome challenges in our personal lives and the whole wide world.

If you truly value your life, would it be enough to treat your body with more respect and not harm it with destructive lifestyle choices.

If you truly value your life, would it extend to valuing other peoples lives enough to give more, to love more, to care more.

If you truly value your life, would it filter through to how you care and show concern for everything around you- even the planet you live on. What would that value extend to? The possibilities are endless.

The responsibility of this value is more than one human can take on. However, I do not doubt with one ounce of my being, that if everyone started with one step at a time- immense changes would ripple effect to influence the whole world. It all comes back to the root of valuing your life- that you have a purpose. You are not here by mistake. If the human race did not have value to this earth, we wouldn’t be here in the first place- bottom line!

Now comes the really difficult, personal question- what does your life currently look like around you? How healthy are the relationships around you? If it all feels like chaos, perhaps a good place to start is asking yourself if you truly value your own life? Once you can start developing that value, you may start to see drastic change in how you treat all those around you. The circumstances and relationships in your life that seem cloudy and difficult, may begin to become clear and more concise.

I come back to that question, swirling around in my head…

What would the world look like if everyone valued life?

My personal answer: peaceful and beautiful

Okay, I understand that answer is very Miss America sounding! Yet it is true- I feel that if we valued life more personally, we would have more peace with ourselves and with others all around us. That looks like a beautiful world to me. My heart is sad for those that do not want peace in their lives, in the end, all I see, is that they lack value for their own life. Therein lies the challenge- to encourage value in ourselves, and in those all around us. For when we discover and nourish that value- life flourishes with true beauty.

∼live your journey true∼

photo credit: paper castle

finding purpose in the simple

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I am about to hit a milestone in motherhood- the end of diapers. Yes, it is true, I have been up to my eyeballs in diapers for the last four years of my life. Three of the those four years, included two children in diapers at the same time. It is a time of passage for my daughters to go from infancy to preschool. A time of change from giving bare basic care to my girls and moving toward one more step of independence. The diaper changing years have been somewhat of a learning curve for me. Learning to be ok with doing simple tasks and feeling that those actions serve a purpose. I have always been an individual who feels that there is grand purpose to our lives and on a search to find what that big thing is. Our society can carve our idea of purpose to blown up proportions. That in order to have purpose, it must be something that the world around us has to see or know about. My recent learning curve has taught me that there is immense purpose in the simple tasks that happen behind closed doors, day in and day out.

For every mom out there who is knee deep in the infant/toddler years, what you are doing this very moment- messy bun in hair, yoga pants on, load after load of laundry, scrubbing vomit out of your carpet, changing diaper after diaper (no joke, there were mornings I had changed six diapers before 9:00am), and that mundane routine of feedings- you are fulfilling the greatest purpose and calling you were meant to live! For much of our purpose has nothing to do with personal fulfillment, yet has everything to do with serving others- even though society may teach you otherwise.

You may not feel like yourself, your temper may be shorter, your patience tested, your brain not stimulated enough. Motherhood may have taken you from corporate meetings to play dates. It may have taken you from high fashion to nursing bras and stretchy pants. Having babies may have taken you from using your degree on a daily basis in your career to developing a degree in self-preservation, because there are days that you are truly just trying to survive the lack of sleep. At the end of the day, once you finally have your little ones settled, know that the hours you just put in doing all those redundant tasks, just gave another day of life to that tiny person sleeping in the room next to you.

The mundane can feel like it will never end, but it does, quicker than we all think. All of the sudden, your babies no longer rely on you for those duties that give them life for another day. They become more independent, and we regain some of our brain back! All those simple things add to a greater calling of purpose than we really comprehend.

I began this post with a picture of some beautiful flowers, I thought a pile of diapers was overkill! I chose flowers for their purpose in nature. The day to day life of a flower is quite simple. Yes, they look beautiful, and produce tantalizing scents, but a flower just sits there. People easily pass by flowers on their walk to work, not taking any time to stop and appreciate what they do for the environment we live in. Though a flower so delicate and simple day to day, in the larger scheme provides the movement of reproduction between plants. Plants, in turn provide a backbone to the earths ecosystem. Water, air, food, medicine, and more thrive from the plant. So that little flower you pass by that just sits there, is part of chain that gives you oxygen to breath everyday.

So next time you are engaging in a daily task, that feels like it has no purpose, remember that everything works together for a greater purpose than you can ever fathom. There is great purpose in the simple, every single day of our lives.

∼live your journey true∼

it will all pay off…

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it takes one step at a time to walk through your journey

one foot in front of the other, even if you drag it

walking a path that others dare not attempt

every ounce of courage you put forward

every drip of sweat

and the millions of tears that drench your cheeks

all the hard work you put your heart and mind to

the effort you muster up to get through each challenge

one day, it will all pay off

for what was once a hope in the far off distance, will become your reality

keep going

∼live your journey true∼

the all out Hawaiian family vacay – PART 1

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Version 2

Last month we enjoyed an all out Hawaiian family vacation. We spent a month on the island of Oahu. Two weeks with both sides of our families. I absolutely LOVE Hawaii! Always have and always will. In my adolescence, my grandparents ignited my passion for the Polynesian isle of Oahu. We spent numerous family vacations there, and I am now thrilled to spend time there with my daughters. It is no secret that a Hawaiian vacation can add up. One of the ways we were able to travel there is by sharing a house with our family members. It works out to be less expensive than a hotel. You are also able to save on meals, with a full kitchen to cook in. I know its not everyones idea of vacation when you have to cook, but when you keep it simple, it’s not a big deal. Here are some highlights of our trip – part 1.

Diamond Head – We set out with a personal fitness goal of climbing the volcanic crater with our toddlers on our backs. We did it! It felt awesome to get to the top with our girls. They loved it.

Version 2

Leonard’s Bakery – Try to visit Leonard’s if you get a chance. I’m not a huge doughnut fan, but oh me, oh my- these are delicious. They are famous for their Malasadas. Eat them hot and fresh, and they will not disappoint! You can find their bakery in Waikiki, or they also have a food truck by the Waikele Premium Outlet.

Beaches for Days – When on Oahu visit as many beaches as possible outside of Waikiki. You have not experienced the island until you rent a car and get out of Waikiki. Some of my favourites are Sandy Beach, Waimea Bay & the North Shore, Yokohama Beach, & Makaha Beach. Be advised that some of these beaches are dangerous to swim in, please respect the local advisories.

 

Stay tuned for Part 2 of our all out Hawaiian family vacay!

∼live your journey true∼

a word to my girls…

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my heart is constantly filled with awe and wonder at these little blessings in my life. as a mother, my heart is flooded with emotion for my babies. all that said, i understand that my babies will one day grow into women. if i could in-still in them a word or two, it would be these…

be brave, yet cautious

be adventurous, yet use common sense

be beautiful, yet humble

be independent, yet vulnerable

be bold, yet gracious

and above it all, remember that i love you and you are worth more than you know- protect your worth!

∼live your journey true∼

 

Morning vitality yogurt bowl

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Start the morning right with a light breakfast that is full of vitality. This is a simple and quick breakfast bowl that is full of goodness.

What’s included…

plain greek yogurt          3/4 cup

raw honey                          1 tsp

chopped cherries             1/4 cup

sliced banana                    1/2 medium sized

nut & fruit mix                 2 heaping tbsp (I used Central Roast Energy- women’s vitality)

chia seeds                          1/2 tsp

Putting it together…

Stir yogurt, honey, and chopped cherries (or fruit of your choice) together.

Sprinkle nut mix and chia seeds on top. Add sliced banana.

 

Its that easy and great for kids to enjoy as well.

∼live your journey true∼

 

Cutting Loose

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Have you ever been going on your daily habits and had a light bulb moment? A moment when it just clicks in your mind that this routine is not benefiting you in any way. For years I have had a habit of checking the world news a couple times a day on my devices. Then it suddenly jolted my mind- how much time I waste reading about the fear mongering portrayal of events that occur in the media. It brings me down, not up. I see the importance of having a well informed mind in world and current events- in order to take positive action. Yet, the majority of the time, mainstream news is really just a bunch of garbage. So it’s time for me to cut loose my habitual ‘need to know’ attitude toward world news. It’s time to not waste time reading negative stories, and instead do something more productive or read more positive outlets.

What habits do you have that need to be cut loose? More often than not, we miss recognizing the negative effects those routines have over our minds. Living our journey true requires making one small step at a time towards positive change. Cutting loose the negative habits in our lives is one step closer to that positive change.

∼live your journey true∼

A True Sacrifice

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Today is Good Friday, in which many people, all around the globe recognize the death of Jesus Christ. Though not all believe, this is a truth I hold close to my heart.

When I reflect upon the sacrifice Jesus made for mankind, I cannot help but ponder on what true sacrifice really means. Our culture is slowly becoming void of responsibility and self sacrifice in many areas. We have become the I want it, and I want it now generation. That way of thinking can easily entangle us in an attitude of entitlement. To achieve something great, much sacrifice is required. To get respect, you must earn it. To obtain a reward, responsibility needs to be taken in order to deserve it.

Making sacrifices is not easy. It takes perseverance, patience, and guts to do something you don’t always want to do. There are times you have to bite your tongue and put your hand on the plough, to get the job done. Jesus got the job done! It doesn’t mean that he liked what he had to do, but he had to do it to bridge the gap between man and God. Jesus made the most true sacrifice of all, by giving his life, because that is how vast his love is for each of us.

Remember that there are times in our journey that we have to make sacrifices. Making sacrifices is what it means to not take the easy way out of a situation. Making sacrifices means taking responsibility for what choices you make in your life. Making sacrifices means putting others before yourself, it means speaking truth, it means living a life of integrity, and it means walking in humility.

So the next time we see a symbol of a cross, remember the true sacrifice Jesus made for us. In turn, reflect on what it means to make sacrifices in our own lives, to uphold a journey of truth.

∼live your journey true ∼